Seven Deadly Drabbles
by Pirate Hatter
Summary: The Joker talks of his run ins with the Seven Deadly Sins. Mild Batman/Joker.


Seven Deadly Sins

**Seven Deadly Sins.**

--

**Sloth.**

Some days. Oh, yes, some days. Not all, but some. Some days… I just don't want to do anything. It's not so much that I don't _want_ to, really, because I do. No, it's more like…

Hm.

It's nice to just sit and do nothing. It's also nice to play with my favourite little Batsy, but sitting is nice, too.

Usually, my _energy_ gets in the way. Mother _always_ did say I was energetic. Father didn't like that. Father yelled. I never listened.

Oh, yes, that's how I got these scars.

Mother _said_ not to run with scissors. Never believed her. And look what happened.

Trip!

Anyway.

I like to sit and watch clouds. Scary says it's good to stay calm. Then again, he's a drug addict.

What to do… So I sit. Waiting on a little…

_Inspiration_.

It's nice.

**--**

**Greed.**

That Russian guy. He was funny. But he cared too much about _money_. Never understood that.

It was only my half, anyway.

Hope he's doing well.

But really. Money? Not an issue. I don't think so. No. _No._ No, it's not an issue with me. Little green, some scratch to get by. That's all I need.

68 million's a lot?

The mob sure didn't think so.

Hm.

But. Money. It has to be something.

_Something_ to get us a little closer to insanity.

It's cute, I think.

Hm. Money.

**--**

**Wrath.**

I like to think I'm… controlled. What? The Batman hostage? Oh, he caught me on a bad day. Promise.

I swear.

But… I'm pretty mellow. Always smiling, yeah? Yeah. Big, happy smiles. And why not?

The world is _so_ hilarious.

I can't _help_ but laugh. Too funny.

See, the best part is, everyone is in on the joke. They believe it. I think that's the best part, really. They're all a part of the act.

All the world's a stage!

So how could I be _angry_?

Ridiculous.

--

**Gluttony.**

Oh, this is just ridiculous. Gluttony? How _boring._ Honestly.

Do I _look_ like I have a problem with gluttony?

Really.

No, I'm not in _denial_. I don't have a problem with this one!

I DO NOT.

You, listen to me. Listen! I do not have a problem with _eating_! What do I look like? A fifteen year old _girl_?

…

I like eating like _everyone_ else.

Can we just _move on_ already?

God.

**--**

**Envy.**

Why kill Rachel Dawes? Easy. She was Harvey's _blushing bride to be_. But… it wasn't personal.

Well.

Not with Harvey, anyway.

Who did Rachel think she was? Stomping like she's _such_ a big deal?

And the way he _threw_ himself after her.

Hm.

What? I'm not _jealous_. More like… wishful. Well, not even that. Heh. Getting words mixed up.

What did you put in me?

Ah.

Well, I'm not jealous. Not exactly. No… Envious, maybe.

Never _jealous_.

--

**Pride.**

I'll be honest with you. I'll level. I _love_ my job.

I can really get into my assignment.

What? Ha! Oh, no, you misunderstood. I'm not working for anyone.

But my assignments. I get them from up here. Hm.

My assignments… I like them. I get to get really creative. Planning's a bit tricky.

_But I manage._

And really, at the end of the day, you have to take pride in what you do.

And boy do I take and take and take…

Hm.

I love my job.

--

**Lust.**

Dangerous territory, that. But… _I'll talk._

I have a problem with lust. I never _want_ things. I _need_ them. I _have_ to have them. I can't _live_ without them.

So guess who makes that list? Hm? Hee.

Ha. Ha.

You probably guessed right. How good for _you_.

But… that's kind of the problem.

He didn't want me. He _doesn't_ want me. But I know he will. Madness… is gravitational.

Magnetic, even.

He can't resist _forever_, can he?

Nope… I'll wait, though. Because I _need_ him. Because I can't _live_ without.

Have you ever lived with only half of yourself? It's hard. Damn near _impossible_ on some days. But that's when I plant bombs, you see. Just a little love note.

'_Hi, honey. Miss you lots. Come see me soon! I'll be waiting._'

I'll be waiting every damned time. Because I'm _loyal_ to those I love. I'll never loose interest.

Not in him.


End file.
